All my life I have been let down by people, whether it be friends, family or professionals such as the mental health team.

I was one of those silent sufferers that continued to go unnoticed.

For most of my childhood I was abused, at home and at school, there was no safe place for me to escape. I was living in hell.

I grew up yet the abuse continued but this time it was me abusing myself - self-harm/suicide attempts, I wanted to die.

I was given up on by so many people, tossed aside into the too hard basket, forever labelled like a piece of clothing.

You see I couldn’t talk, my whole life I could never speak about my troubles.

I found out about Horses for Hope from a social worker and I just love animals so I agreed to go.
 
I remember the first session as if it was yesterday, I was so nervous, meeting strangers I didn’t know. I didn’t even bother trying to trust them because I knew they were going to give up on me just like everyone else.


 
Then something amazing happened - We got into the yard with this massive horse called Red, who had some problems with trust.

Oh he was gorgeous, we did some work, then it was as if by magic but we connected. This great big horse started trusting me, our breathing became one, if I moved he moved with me, if I got excited he did too, if my energy was not just perfect for Red  he would not stay connected with me. We walked around the yard together, we even danced together!  It was as if both horse and I were just one being.
 
I didn’t want to leave after that, but once we stopped and came inside I just started talking – mostly about Red and the work we did but then Colin somehow had me relating to the horse and talking about myself!

I went home after that session and I was feeling amazing, I had helped a horse and he helped me. I was definitely going back.

And I did, many many times and each and every time I came in and helped another horse through their trauma, relating to each one in some way and as such I started opening up about myself. The horses can't talk so I was their voice.
 
Fast forward 3 years and now I work, and I have been discharged from all mental health services. I have not self-harmed in years nor attempted suicide.
Who would have thought troubled horses could make such a difference.

I have found my voice.

I have found Hope